Last Call for the {Blues}

She looked around one last time at the now barren four walls she’d called home for the last nineteen years feeling nothing. Ironically, she’d pictured this moment in her mind a million times over the course of the last year, secretly picturing her things and herself gone; had felt the giant lump welling in her throat that had threatened to choke her down so many times before. The off white walls held casted shadows where pictures once hung, nail holes showing, dust settled on window sills, and his favorite worn leather recliner now sat alone in the corner next to a small table with a empty glass stained with bourbon from the night before.

She pulled her ball cap on over her unwashed, braided, dark hair, slid her aviators over her swollen and dry eyes, bent to pick up her last bag on the floor, slid the hand written letter to him on the entry table next to the house key, and turned and walked out the door, gravel crunching under her hastened stride. She felt like running, wanting to make this moment speed by. She wasn’t uncertain of this choice, but the guilt of the moment threatened her soft heart with indecision. She knew if she could make it to her old Ford, where her border collie anxiously awaited her in the front seat, she’d be in the clear. She could get in, put the truck in drive and leave everything behind her.

She checked her horses in the little two horse trailer, securing the door latch, took one last look at the tires, and set herself behind the wheel and fired up the ’76. Her pup looked over at her with questioning eyes, and settled down resting his head on her thigh. She lit a cigarette, put the truck in gear, and pulled out of the drive.

Her mind mulled over the memories that lead her to this point; the breaking. She found herself empty hearted and her soul longing to live in color again. She’d soul searched, paid a therapist, rode miles on horses, taken solo vacations, journaled, begged and pleaded with her heart and mind to fall back in love just one more time with him, but there was too much water under the half burned bridge. And life wasn’t waiting around, and neither was she. She wanted to steal some freedom while there was still a chance. She wanted to take the whole world in.

Because behind all the blue she’d been feeling lately, there was still a fire and light that burned inside of her. She didn’t want the emptiness she felt to skew her point of view any longer. She looked through the cracked windshield, seeing a red tailed hawk glide effortlessly on the breeze overhead. Signs. She believed in them. She knew one day there would be solace again. She took a deep breath, gripped the wheel tight and let her feelings go with that hawk on the wind.

And she pointed the truck north to Big Sky country.

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